This is a post about academics.
So, my classes this year are challenging. I'm taking two labs, one is 2nd year Chemistry (which, let me tell you, first year chemistry was not a walk in the park) and one is Genetics, which people have told me is what they've heard as the hardest class a Bio major has to take. This and a Parasitology seminar (a bit of cell and a bit of organismal, but not bad on the whole, just uninspiring) and a Children's writing class that is actually quite fun (when I can find the books since I decided to be a complete cheapskate this semester and try not to buy any of my books..).
I have two exams this week; I took one this morning.
I'm very grateful I don't have more than one exam on the same day, and I'm grateful that I have a day between my exams. But it's still been a stressfull week. I'm never one to get super stressed about academics, but I can feel the anxiety in my chest and shoulders when I think about my classes.
I've never been a model student (by model I mean ideal, I've done well enough in enough of my classes that I can safely say I'm a fairly decent student), especially when compared to my friends and fellow Wellesley students. I study, but usually not more than a day before exams, and as I recall at UCL last semester I studied about 1-2 hours total for each exam (plus attending most of the lectures). That was as low as my studiousness has ever been, which I'll readily admit is pretty darn low.
This year I'm trying really hard to be better as a student, which helps because I have motivated people in Chem and Bio who want to study and work on psets outside of class. The first few weeks I thought I could be the same student I've always been, which has failed horribly because 1) chem and genetics are HARD and do not come easily to me and 2) I have, essentially, all my work due on monday night/tuesday.
But, the point is, I'm busy. I've been in the science center a disturbing amount the past few days. I just don't like how student interactions can so often get into a "I'm busier than you, look at all these things I have to do, oh god, how do I survive." Because yes, I have many friends who are legitimately busy (two are taking the LSATS this weekend.. I'm stressed FOR them) but as someone who never SEEMS busy or stressed on a day-to-day basis, I get a little tired of people automatically assuming they're more stressed/busy than I am.
I don't know how productive this post was...like. At all, but I dunno. I had a moment today where I was like "if I just pass my classes, I'll be fine. I can graduate and get a job and it might not be, like, David Attenborough's job, but it'll give me money and then I can do other things and honestly I can probably still get into grad school if I don't do well in these two classes."
It's not like I'm trying to get into a specific grad school, or med school or law school like most of my friend group. It's not like I'm trying to win a prestigious fellowship and go to Indonesia to study the rare elephant beetle (I just made that up). I mean changing the world in a huge way would be cool and then everyone would look up to me and invite me back to Wellesley as an alum all LOOK AT THIS COOL LADY WHO'S COMING HOLY CRAP HAVE SOME PIZZA AND TALK TO HER and I would be, like, objectively awesome. But really, when I look at what I need from life, that's not one of my priorities. I just want to have a fun life, where I love people and make them happy and they make me happy too and I can try and pay back the world for having me in it little by little by trying to make an infinetessimal bit of good happen.
I'd be ok with that.